Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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