There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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