She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Randomize
