11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
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