New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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