He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
