I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
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