So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
