Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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