I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
