Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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