No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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