Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
