apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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