please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
