I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Randomize
