plz talk dirty to me
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Randomize
