no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
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