you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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