I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Randomize
