3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
