I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Randomize
