I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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