He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
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