please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
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