i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
I queefed so loud it echoed.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Randomize
