Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
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