This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
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