It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
