If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Randomize
