I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
Randomize
