Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Randomize
