I murdered the dance floor call the cops
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
