I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
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