I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
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