Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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