dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
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