i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Houston, we have a squirter
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Randomize
