Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize
