I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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