if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
This is my gift to your gina
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
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