Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Randomize
