Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize