we have officially lost it.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
