i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
Let's paint friendship bongs
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
