i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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