it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
