what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
