Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
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