like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
