I just saw a hot homeless man
i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
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