So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
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