so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
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