Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
