Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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