exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Randomize
