babies were throwing up all over the place
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
