Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Randomize
