the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Randomize
