btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
