I wanna bring you to show and tell
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Randomize
