a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
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