nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
