Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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