1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
