I got chris browned last night
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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