Don't make out with my wife yet
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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