OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
