Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
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