East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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