is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
